Monday, March 6, 2017

Helloooooooo Blog!

It's been a looooooong time, yes, years in fact, since I have posted on this blog.

Lots has happened since I posted last -- some of it over-the-top exciting and wonderful -- and some of it devastating and heartbreaking.

The hardest thing of all occurred on July 14, 2014, when my older brother Lance died by suicide. My world and my heart broke into a million pieces that day, and I'm still trying to put them back together.

 I can't even describe how difficult losing Lance has been for me and for all those who knew and loved him.  After his death, I shifted into survival mode. I didn't stop being a photographer, but I didn't have the energy, motivation or even desire to maintain my blog.

 Everything was hard. It was hard to get up every morning. It was hard to take care of my family. Housework, which is always hard for me, became almost unbearable. I struggled to maintain relationships. I distanced myself from a lot of people, especially those who I thought couldn't or didn't even try to understand what it's like to lose someone to suicide. 

Grieving a suicide loss is different than any other kind of grief. First is the terrible shock that comes from losing someone to suicide. Then there is pain...heart-wrenching, all-consuming pain. Along with that, there is sadness, regret, blame, hopelessness, anger, shame, despair.

These past two and a half years have been so very hard. I miss Lance so much, and know a hole in my heart will remain until we meet again. 

It's taken a long time, but I finally feel I'm coming out of my deep, dark hole of grief. I know that it is only through the love and support of friends and family, along with the never-ending concern and care from my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ, that I'm recovering.

I don't think my recovery will ever be complete in this life. I don't know how it possibly be. The wounds are too deep. The sorrow too great. The pain too insurmountable.

I honestly CAN'T say I'm grateful for the experiences I've been through as a result of Lance's mental illness and subsequent suicide. I know there are a lot of people who go through tremendous challenges who later say they wouldn't trade those trials for anything. Good for them, but that's not me in this case. I don't see how Lance's suicide could possibly be considered something good. 

What would be best in my mind, is for Lance to still be here. For Lance to be healthy and happy. For Lance to have the opportunity to be surrounded by those who love him. For Lance to be able to watch his two little granddaughters grow up.

That's not to say I haven't learned things from Lance's death. I have. But I wish I could have learned those things another way -- in a way that didn't involve losing my big brother.

With this post today, I've pretty much opened up my heart and soul. I'm not really sure why I felt the need to do that, but as I prepare to begin posting more frequently on my blog, I just wanted to give a little explanation about why I've been away for so long.

And with that, I'll end this post with one of my favorite pictures of Lance, my sister Jan and me. This is the way I like to remember Lance -- with that silly grin and that light in his eyes. 


Margaret, Lance and Jan at Luke's wedding July 2011

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Shelby and Kevin Engagement Session ....One More Post

Just had to do another post to show off a few more shots from Shelby and Kevin's engagement session.

These two are amazing to work with and made my job so easy!!

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

One Month from Today!

That's right. On April 19, 2014, I will have the privilege of being the photographer for this amazing couple! (See below!) Can't wait!!!! Here are a few of their engagement pictures. I may have to make multiple posts about this just because Shelby and Kevin are so very photogenic!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Claire and Family....Sneak Peek

My blog has been sadly neglected lately. Our family recently moved to a new house, so my life has been consumed with packing, moving, unpacking...

Had a fun shoot with this family the other day.

Here's a sneak peek of one shot I loved. More to come!!

Friday, March 1, 2013

Beautiful Bride {Utah State Capitol}

One of my faves from a recent bridal session.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

He Asks..She Says Yes....{Proposal on Temple Square}

The other night, I was able to do something new and different...Something I'd never done before.

I was able to capture a wedding proposal. And not just by accident. I was hired to do it.

The hopeful groom-to-be contacted me and wanted me to lurk around inconspiciously and capture the moment when he popped the question. His plan was to take his girlfriend on a carriage ride around Salt Lake City,  walk around Temple Square afterwards, then propose in front of the temple.

It was a lot of fun stalking them and trying not to look like I was staring...when really I was...:)

It was dark...very, very some of these images might not be the best in terms of technical details. But they capture the moment and will hopefully be something they will treasure for years to come.

After the actual proposal, we did some posed shots, too. 

Oh, and she did say yes, by the way. :) That's probably obvious from the pictures!


Friday, February 22, 2013

Bouquet on the Snow

My friend Tracy's niece is getting married next week, and I went along as second shooter at the bridal session yesterday. At the end of the session, Tracy asked if she could borrow the bouquet and get some shots of it. She placed it on the snow....and this is the shot I got. Love the late afternoon shadows on the snow. :)

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Jesse and Jenny -- First Look

The other day I tagged along with my friend Shantel while she did bridals/groomals for her son and soon-to-be bride.

Love this shot of Jesse awaiting his first look at Jenny in her wedding gown.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Lizzy's Bridals {Union Station}

I took these back in November, but had to wait until after the wedding to post them. As you can see, Lizzy is a beautiful bride! She was so great to work with.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Lizzy + Aaron {Bountiful Temple}

It's official! Lizzy and Aaron are married. It has been so fun to work with this couple through engagements, bridals and finally the wedding. They were so cute and all smiles...despite the fact that it was FREEZING!!! I dare you to look through these pictures and not smile. :)