Helloooooooo Blog!

It's been a looooooong time, yes, years in fact, since I have posted on this blog.

Lots has happened since I posted last -- some of it over-the-top exciting and wonderful -- and some of it devastating and heartbreaking.

The hardest thing of all occurred on July 14, 2014, when my older brother Lance died by suicide. My world and my heart broke into a million pieces that day, and I'm still trying to put them back together.

 I can't even describe how difficult losing Lance has been for me and for all those who knew and loved him.  After his death, I shifted into survival mode. I didn't stop being a photographer, but I didn't have the energy, motivation or even desire to maintain my blog.

 Everything was hard. It was hard to get up every morning. It was hard to take care of my family. Housework, which is always hard for me, became almost unbearable. I struggled to maintain relationships. I distanced myself from a lot of people, especially those who I thought couldn't or didn't even try to understand what it's like to lose someone to suicide. 

Grieving a suicide loss is different than any other kind of grief. First is the terrible shock that comes from losing someone to suicide. Then there is pain...heart-wrenching, all-consuming pain. Along with that, there is sadness, regret, blame, hopelessness, anger, shame, despair.

These past two and a half years have been so very hard. I miss Lance so much, and know a hole in my heart will remain until we meet again. 

It's taken a long time, but I finally feel I'm coming out of my deep, dark hole of grief. I know that it is only through the love and support of friends and family, along with the never-ending concern and care from my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ, that I'm recovering.

I don't think my recovery will ever be complete in this life. I don't know how it possibly be. The wounds are too deep. The sorrow too great. The pain too insurmountable.

I honestly CAN'T say I'm grateful for the experiences I've been through as a result of Lance's mental illness and subsequent suicide. I know there are a lot of people who go through tremendous challenges who later say they wouldn't trade those trials for anything. Good for them, but that's not me in this case. I don't see how Lance's suicide could possibly be considered something good. 

What would be best in my mind, is for Lance to still be here. For Lance to be healthy and happy. For Lance to have the opportunity to be surrounded by those who love him. For Lance to be able to watch his two little granddaughters grow up.

That's not to say I haven't learned things from Lance's death. I have. But I wish I could have learned those things another way -- in a way that didn't involve losing my big brother.

With this post today, I've pretty much opened up my heart and soul. I'm not really sure why I felt the need to do that, but as I prepare to begin posting more frequently on my blog, I just wanted to give a little explanation about why I've been away for so long.

And with that, I'll end this post with one of my favorite pictures of Lance, my sister Jan and me. This is the way I like to remember Lance -- with that silly grin and that light in his eyes. 

_M.E.

Margaret, Lance and Jan at Luke's wedding July 2011

My Gal Mal

This is my Mallory. Love this girl!
And this girl loves the beach!
We took these shots when we were on our vacation over the summer, but I'm just now getting around to posting them because I have been a slacker about blog posting until recently!! :)



As a sign in Mallory's room says, "If you're lucky enough to be at the beach....you're lucky enough."

So true!
:)

My Baby

This is Alex.

He's my baby.

He's 12. Yup, 12! He started junior high a couple of weeks ago. Incredible. My baby
is in junior high.

I was the youngest in my family. My mom always referred to me as her baby.  As I became
a teenager, I found that to be slightly annoying. :)

Now I'm doing it to "my baby."

Just one more piece of evidence that proves that, yes, I am turning into my mother. :)

Elder Parker Lance Evans

So, I'm backtracking a little to post these photos of the day Parker left for his two-year mission to Cuernavaca Mexico for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Saying goodbye to my son for two years is one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I know that he is doing the right thing. He is a wonderful young man, full of enthusiasm and love. He has already had so many good experiences in Mexico and I know he will have many more.

Prior to leaving for Mexico, he spent two months in the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah. There, he learned Spanish and was also trained in being a good missionary.

Here are some photos we took the morning we dropped him off in Provo. Some are at our house right before we drove to the MTC, and the rest are either at the Provo Temple, in our car, or at the MTC.

He had a wonderful experience at the MTC and each week when we receive his emails from Mexico, I am so excited to hear about his life as missionary. And of course, I'm counting down the days until Christmas when we will be able to talk to him on the phone. 

:)

My Girl and Her Guitar

When Parker left on his mission, he put Mallory in charge of his acoustic guitar.

She loves it.

She has been teaching herself to play...and lately, some of the tunes have even become recognizable....even beyond Smoke on the Water.

:)

First Day of School -- A New Beginning

Mallory and Alex started school yesterday.

A new beginning for both of them.

It was Mallory's first day in high school. It was Alex's first day in junior high.

Oh, how the years go by!

Parker is on a mission in Mexico.

Nate started his first day of his senior year at BYU last week. His wife Aprill is in her senior
year, also. She is finishing her degree from Arizona State online.

As for me, I am trying to get back in the groove. It's been a busy past several months.

I've always looked at fall as a time for new starts. I've always loved this time of year.
New pencils, new notebooks, new clothes. New teachers, new schools, new friends.
For me, I hope it will be a time of new starts in photography, as well.

I really want to devote more time to photography...and blogging about it, as well.

So, I'll start with a couple of shots of Mallory and Alex before they headed off
for their first day of school yesterday.

:)

My {Soon-to-Be} Missionary Son

I took Parker and his friend Dillon for a pre-mission photo shoot last night. Parker leaves May 23 (yes, that's soon!). He will be serving in the Mexico Cuernavaca mission. Dillon leaves in June for the Micronesia Guam mission. I still need to edit many more photos, but here is probably my most favorite!

How can you not smile looking at that happy face?


:)

Easter 2012

Still playing catch-up on the blog. We had a fun Easter weekend with the family....coloring eggs, eating chocolate bunnies, attending church, visiting the temple grounds and having dinner at my sister's house. Fun times all around. :)

Nate and Aprill {Reception}

Here are a few shots from Nate and Aprill's reception. 
:)

Parker -- the catcher of the garter...He looks pretty proud of himself. :)

Nate and Aprill {Wedding}

I've been neglecting my blog for quite some time. So, even though it's been two months since Nate and Aprill got married, I'm just getting around to posting pictures.


February 18, 2012 was a beautiful, sunny, perfect Mesa, Arizona day.




And I've got pictures to prove it! :)